Dear Michael

This is for you my love. Ive got soo much in my heart that I want to say to you, all the things that I used to write to you, all the letters and cards I used to give you. Trying to keep it all inside is driving me crazy.I need somewhere to put all thats inside me, all the pain thats locked away.

Today is January 1 2010. The first year of my life without you somewhere on this earth. Last night I tried soo hard to keep it together, to not let my family see how much I was hurting. I was just about holding it together, when with about 2 minutes to go to midnight, my neighours set off some fireworks. The bang was soo loud and soo unexpected, it felt like a bomb. I started shaking and just had to leave the living room. As soon as I reached my room, I just burst into tears, I just couldnt stop. 2009 was over and you were not here. It was all just too much. I thought I would be happy that 2009 was over but in fact its the opposite. Now it feels you are even further away. You will never be part of 2010.