I used to think I would never get a tattoo. I have a birthmark on my face and have dealt with the stares, the pointing, the rude comments all my life. I never thought I would be strong enough to deal with all that again by deciding to permanently put something on skin.

HIStory era came along and I  became obsessed with the symbol. Then I found the fan community and my self esteem and self confidence grew and being a fan was something I didn’t have to hide as there were so many like me out there. My confidence grew , and I started thinking maybe having a tattoo would not be so bad after all.

For about 4 years in the summer I would get Henna Tattoos of the HIStory symbol. To my surprise, the reactions were no where near what I was expecting. Maybe because it was my choice to mark my skin, maybe I was becoming a stronger person, maybe it was because tattoos were becoming more mainstream, maybe all the above, but when the Henna eventually faded I started missing my “tattoo” .

By 2003, I had finally decided to get a real proper tattoo, and I was looking for “my” design, something which had personal meaning, something Michael or connected to him, but which told a story. Like everyone, I had heard all the stories of people getting random designs, just cos, which they later regretted. I didn’t want that to happen to me. I knew that when I found “my” design, it would be something I would be proud of years later, that it would not be a stupid mistake I make in my 20’s which in my 30’s /40’s would be removed by laser.

I decided I wanted the dancing feet image, like on the MJJ PRODUCTIONS logo, but I didn’t want the exact same design as MJJP. This image has alot of personal meaning. I knew that I would find a design of this image I liked somehow, somewhere and I wouldn’t just rush into getting a real tattoo.

November 2003

Excitement in the air, new music sort of, The Ultimate Collection is released. Everything is great in the world of Michael Jackson, fun times on the fan sites.

17 November 2003

One More Chance CD single is released.

18 November 2003

After work I go to HMV and buy OMC CD single. On the bus on the way home, I excitedly examine the new CD My heart leaps as I see the cover photo, THIS is the image I have been waiting for. I can’t wait to get home and play the CD as I had forgotten to bring my portable CD player with me. I had not listened to any leaks online so I had not heard the new song yet. I sat on the bus, all excited, when my phone rang. It was one of my friends, crying , very upset. Suddenly my world is turned up side down. How can this happen again??? An arrest warrant has been issued for Michael and Neverland is being searched……

I start crying too, I’m still on the bus, still holding my brand new unplayed OMC CD, while trying to make sense of what my friend is telling me. I get home and my flatmate is crying too, she is also a fan. We turn on the TV to watch the news. That first night that’s all we had. Back then we did not have a laptop or home internet, mobile phones did not have internet and the internet cafe was closed. So the two of us just sat then, getting text updates and watching the hourly news bulletins.

That night I knew the time had come for me to get my tattoo. When news broke about Michael going to court for the first time in January 2004, I knew I had to be there, my first trip to California with my friends. So I had to plan my tattoo carefully. With my friends help I found a good tattoo shop and decided when to get it.

I believed in Michael so much that on 29 December 2003, 41 days after the allegations broke, 10 days before heading to California for Michael’s arraignment. I got his name permanently tattooed on my arm……