so June 13 is here again… 5 years since that horrible day… when we prayed that the Jury would see the truth and and officially tell the world that Michael was innocent. I remember that day soo well, in the end it came so fast, the day we all knew would happen but were scared to face.

Listening to the Jury results over the phone, I felt soo physically sick. The events of the last few months playing in my mind, praying that everything would be ok, not ever thinking about any other outcome.

2004 /2005 was the best of times and the worst of times. The fan community pulled together like never before or since. The thought of losing him shook everyone so much, that personal differences seemed soo small and irelevent. The forums became our lifelines, day after day we logged onto MJJ FORUM and KOPBOARD. Fans united in pain, became experts on the American legal system. Legal terms and procedure explained in simple terms, facts extracted from the most obsure reports. We found which media reports could be trusted and which not. Fans in Santa Maria took notes and wrote up reports and posted on forums. Fans got together and paid money for the daily court transcripts for the media which were then posted on the forums.. For light relief we had the daily press images from Getty / Rex etc, to ease the pain, there were huge discussions on Michaels everychanging suits. Thanks to Michael Bush, fans even had the chance to be involved with how Michael looked. Michael Bush very kindly allowed the fans to give input on different styles or cloth.

In Santa Maria, the fans were amazing. Many fans both American and International moved to Santa Maria temparaly for the duration of the trial. When the hotels realised that fans would be staying months rather than weeks, they worked out a longterm rate. Fans often slept up to 10 people in a hotel room, space was always found for anyone who needed somewhere to stay. American fans who moved to Santa Maria found night time work so that they could be in court everyday. European fans who were students would complete assisgnments outside the court or late at night.

Carpooling was another thing that happened on a regular basis. Many International fans travelled to Santa Maria on their own, and had no transport. Fans who had cars always made sure that fans on their own could visit Neverland, 40 mins drive away. Transport back to Neverland would be arranged outside the court every day, allowing as many fans as possible to participate in the night time candle vigils at Neverland.

All theses memories, of such a tramatic times, makes me realise how different the fan community is today. Back then, everyone stood shoulder to shoulder, united in just being there for Michael, helping him every day to find the strength to walk into that court room.

Now it seems that everything has fallen apart. So many fan groups, soo many people with their own agenda, who all seem to be wanting the the attention, of being recognised for being THE ONE doing the most for Justice.

Looking back, I think thats the difference. In 2004 /2005 fans didnt care about the media spotlight, about being recognised for their efforts for the Justice Campaign. We all did our bit, but we did it in the fan community. The only people we wanted to know about what we were doing was Michael and his family. All we cared about was letting Michael know that the worldwide the fans supported and cared about him. Yes we had Michael Is Innocent demos, but we didnt run to gossip sites like TMZ, wanting public valadation for our efforts.

Im not going to hid the fact that there have always been personal issues between fans. Yes there were times when fans argued and fought, that there were times when the fan community was not nice place, that at times it was everyone for themselves and gossip and chinese whispers spread like wildfire.

But somehow, the fan community united, it was like an unspoken truce, because we all realised the bigger picture and that how petty and irrelevent our squabbles were compared to the very real fact that we could ALL lose Michael.

Now it seems like no one cares. The one thing that held us all together, no matter what, Michael himself, is gone. Everyone is out for themselves, everyone trying to prove that THEY are the ones doing the most for the Justice Campaign, everyone wanting the public recognition for being a Michael Jackson fan.

Being a Michael Jackson fan, when Michael was here, used to mean staying away from the media, doing things just for Michael, not caring what the public thought, not looking for public recognition and acceptance. We did things quietly, stayed on the fringes of the general public and society. Very often being a Michael Jackson fan was something we kept private, and very few people ever knew about our “Michael Life”.

Now it seems that you have to shout the loudest, wear a Justic tshirt all the time, be a member of a fan group. That you have to be sending emails and be tweeting. Interesting how all those who are the most vocal now, never did anything when Michael was actually here. That those who have experience in the fan community are scorned at and pushed aside.

Makes me wonder, if Michael was still here, would these same people be just as active, would they have created fangroups, and joined forums???