Dear Michael Jackson

SANDY’s TESTIMONY

Dear fans and friends, and those who deserve the truth…

I have decided to share some letters that I wrote prior to Michael’s death, and the last letter that I wrote to Michael that was given to him just before rehearsal the night before he passed. I choose to do this in support of the This Is Not It campaign, and because I believe Michael would have wanted us to speak his truth now that he is gone, in the same way he always asked us to do through all this years against the allegations, Mottolla-Sony, etc.

This is of course very sad and difficult and not something I ever expected to share so publicly, but now that Michael has passed I feel it is more important to inform and support the TRUTH against the blatant lies and attempted cover-up by those around Michael in his last months. I also feel the need to defend against those that are saying the “followers” are only speaking out after the fact now that Michael is gone. This is not true and we tried our best as far as we were capable “only” being fans. Everything that we are claiming and speaking is truth, and is based on words from MICHAEL HIMSELF, what we ACTUALLY WITNESSED in the months before he passed, along with what we also witnessed about Michael’s “friends” and “doctors” over the past two decades of “following” Michael.

First, an email that I wrote on June 21st, four days before Michael passed. I sent this email to Karen Faye (Michael’s makeup artist) and Michael Bush (Michael’s tailor) who I knew to be around Michael almost daily in the weeks prior to his death and the only members of his entourage I considered trustworthy and true friends to Michael. I had met Michael, spoken with him, and witnessed his condition over 2 weeks time in Los Angeles at the end of May and beginning of June. I left Los Angeles with an uneasy feeling, particularly about Michael’s obvious weight loss.

Subject Line: Please look after Michael-INTERVENE PLEASE-something is wrong, I saw it.

Karen, Michael…
There is something that has been worrying me for several months now. I think there is something wrong with Michael and his health or his self-image about his weight and I am really worried.

I have been afraid to say anything to anyone because it’s probably not really my place to talk about something so personal concerning Michael, and talking about it amongst fans can make you an outcast because it is regarded as criticising Michael. But I want to know if he is alright. I also want to know if he is not alright that someone is intervening and doing something about it. There are always new people around Michael and as has always been obvious they do not always have his best interest at heart because of their own interests, but I expect that you really care about Michael in a way that you would perhaps cross a line that others might not if you saw that he is somehow hurting himself.

It is painfully obvious that Michael is TOO THIN. I know that Michael’s weight fluctuates, and he is often mostly too thin anyways, but NOW he is REALLY TOO THIN. I first noticed back in October that his weight was really plummeting. I spent a couple hours with Michael in his Bel Air suite at Halloween, and it really struck me how thin he was even back then. When we hugged I felt there was literally nothing to him. I told him to please take care of himself and stay healthy and that he looked good-I was trying to make a point that he doesn’t need to lose more, that he looks good already, to stop now. Naturally this embarassed him and he mostly just smiled and said thank you without knowing what to say. I also wrote him a letter about it, which he read but only replied again saying thank you.

Michael told me back then that he was preparing a tour and so I thought perhaps it is normal for him to slim down in preparation. I expected that he would become very weight-conscious. But now it seems he has gone TOO FAR. I met him inside the dance rehearsal studio a couple weeks ago and I was honestly SHOCKED. I noticed how the bones of his shoulders were LITERALLY protruding, poking through the material of his black fitted top. He was SCARY SKINNY. When we hugged I felt his skeleton. I felt very worried and very sad for him.

He was also looking very down and stressed and his demeanor and voice were very frail. HE ACTUALLY SAID he was stressed and worried how he will be able to do all 50 shows, that he does not eat enough, and he does not have enough breaks between shows. Clearly the situation is too much for him, it is making him SICK…whether it is self-imposed because he is not eating or something else.

DOES NO ONE ELSE AROUND HIM EVERYDAY SEE THIS???

Karen do you see this? Do you say anything to him?
Michael do you see this when you go over wardrobe? Do you say anything to him?

PLEASE INTERVENE AND HELP. I really think he is to the point where something bad and regrettable could happen to him. I don’t mean to suggest that you are responsible for him but AS A FRIEND AND ONE OF THE VERY FEW CONSISTENT PEOPLE around him that I think TRULY CARES about him, please risk saying something to him if you have not already.

Michael Amir, Alberto and Faheem have begun to restrict access to Michael and I’m now no longer allowed to even give a letter into his hands without them reading it first. They have many excuses that Michael is tired or in tour mode now or it’s for his safety. This is ridiculous after 15 years of seeing Michael, I don’t expect to be treated this way as if I would somehow harm him. I may be “just a fan” but I have been there for Michael for a really long time before them and will surely be here after them and Michael needs to hear from his fans when it is clear he is distressed, and those on the inside aren’t always worried for him but probably more concerned for their jobs should they say something deemed inappropriate. THEY MUST SEE that Michael is wasting down to nothing, but I don’t trust that they say or do anything. And shutting his fans out during this time is not what he needs. I see how alone Michael is, and heard from him how heavy he feels under the pressure. He has his children, but they are his responsibility to look after not the other way around, and so beyond his children his close friends are very few and far between. Everyone else around him in this time is focused on This Is It. I have seen in the past couple years that no one has really been around for him in Las Vegas, then Bel Air, now Los Angeles, no one who really cares for him as a friend and not just as a business. Except of course the two of you.

If he is suffering from something serious, physically or mentally, regarding his weight or health, please intervene. Please let me know that he is alright. These concerts are not worth jeopardizing his life.

I’m really in tears for him, for the state that I saw him in. If you’ve already said something to him, please give him this letter if you think he needs to hear it again from someone else. I’m sure whatever exactly is going on must be a fragile situation but please don’t avoid it altogether. I’m so worried. Please tell me he is okay. Above that, please tell me the TRUTH.

I love him. Please help him if he needs it. I wish I could do something, I feel helpless.
Thank you for reading,
Sandy

Michael had invited us inside his rehearsal studio where he spoke very candidly about his fears and feelings about the tour schedule, AEG, and Randy Phillips. He also said he was suffering back pain, and he was not eating, which was already obvious to us. He was nearly in tears as he spoke, and folded his hands in prayer during a moment of silence. We left this meeting feeling very disturbed and worried for Michael, and continued to witness him over the next couple weeks losing yet more weight and sometimes in a drug-induced state. The group of “followers” decided that we needed to take decisive action and reach Michael directly about our worries. Michael was deteriorating quickly and our shock and fears continued to grow every day, we couldn’t rely on his entourage to care for his well-being, because they were clearly not, nor would they take our concerns seriously. We decided to write letters to Michael himself, each of us wrote a letter individually, but all had the same sentiment about our fears over Michael’s condition, pleading for him to take better care of himself, to love himself, and put himself before the tour. The letters were given directly into Michael’s hands outside his rehearsal studio the night before he passed away. Michael tried to phone Talitha (one of the fans who actually gave the letters and Michael knew very well) several times from the Staples Center, but the call kept dropping and we will never know what he wanted to say. Michael’s personal assistant, Michael Amir, told me in Los Angeles when I went back for Michael’s memorial that Michael asked for the letters upon returning home after rehearsal, and he took them to Michael in his bedroom. Michael would be gone in less than 8 hours.

So sadly, this is my last letter to Michael, written June 22nd and given to Michael night of June 24th. I share this for those who are attempting to blame those of us who actually tried to be heard. You are accusing the wrong people of doing nothing. Your attention should be turned towards AEG, Randy Phillips, Frank Dileo who claimed outright that everything was “under control” and “Michael is not going to die.”

Dearest Michael,

I’m not exactly sure how to begin what I need to say to you, but please understand everything I say comes only from a place of overwhelming love and care for your happiness and health. I love you so very much; much much much more than I could ever hope to adequately express to you. In the past several months I have become very worried that you are not caring for yourself as you deserve to be cared for. I have noticed you becoming increasingly thin, and you are now so thin that I’m really concerned about your well-being.
I can only imagine the paralyzing degree of pressure you must be feeling lately in preparation for you concerts, and I can only assume your drastic weight loss is a symptom of the stress you feel so heavily upon you in these recent months.

Michael, I just pray that you know I will still love and adore and support you even if you were to never set your precious feet upon another stage. You have stood proud against more stress and pressures in your life than is fair for one person to ever endure, and you have always done it with grace, humility, honor. For this I have admired you, with your seemingly superhuman strength and incredible willpower to carry though the deepest and darkest of times. But dearest Michael, I know you are human and must often feel tired, lost or lonely, overwhelmed, tiny in the shadow of enormous obligations. I can only imagine you must be feeling the weight of the world upon your shoulders in these couple remaining weeks until your opening night. I am worried that your intense schedule and perhaps your own worries about pleasing your fans, and stunning the world again with your greatness, is causing you to forgo food and lose weight you can no longer afford to lose.

I hope and pray that your concerts are everything amazingly fantastic that you have dared to dream. I know you have been working incredibly hard, incredibly long hours and want nothing more for you to be happy with the fruits of your labor. However, I pray that you are not laboring so hard that you are neglecting your health and not eating as necessary to nourish your body, mind, and spirit during what is undoubtedly an immensely stressful time.

Michael, when I met you several months ago at Halloween I was taken aback at how thin you were. But you had told me you were beginning to prepare a tour, and so I assumed perhaps your slight frame was the result of preparation. At that time you spoke about the concerts with a sparkle of anticipation in your voice, a spirit of exuberance, a light in your eyes like I had not seen for years. I was happy that you were happy. But now seeing you again in Los Angeles these past several weeks I am concerned your spirit seems broken, and your weight has fallen further. When I met you in the dance studio I was shocked at how thin you have become, when we hugged I felt there was not enough of you. If the concerts have become too much, too many, too stressful, please know you are not alone and you could never ever disappoint us should you feel it impossible to carry through. If the concerts are somehow jeopardizing your health, your health and well-being absolutely must come first. We could not enjoy a concert knowing you were suffering through it. Please do not feel obligated to us to perform beyond your desire, beyond your capability. This is not to say I doubt you for even a second, but I’m only worried that your weight is drastically low and am afraid for your life as you are about to expend an incredible amount of energy over the coming months.

I hope I haven’t offended you in any way with any of these words. I love you so much and I only dare to say what I have out of care and concern. You have seemed somewhat sad, overly stressed, and super skinny recently and I just want you to know that you are loved and I am praying for your health and happiness. I hope that you are actually perfectly alright and my worries are simply paranoia from having seen you on days when perhaps you weren’t feeling your best. Michael Amir, Alberto, and Faheem have begun restricting access to you more severely in recent weeks so it has not been easy to ask how you are doing and give our love and prayers. Please forgive us if we have upset you but we are worried.

I’m so looking forward to seeing you again in London. I love you and ask that you please take care of yourself – for yourself, your children, your fans, your family, and all those the world over who love you deeply and dearly from the very bottom of our hearts. We want to love you for many more years to come.
I Love You Always & Forever,
Sandy

I am sure that he read it and now consider it my final goodbye to Michael.

It is with complete confidence that I say Michael did not trust or like AEG/Randy Phillips, but he felt enslaved financially to their demands because of their role in re-financing his life. We saw Randy Phillips at Michael’s memorial and told him “we know the truth”…he denied that he ever went against Michael’s wishes, but Michael told us the truth and naturally we believe Michael. We told Randy “you know that we know the truth”…he was visibly shocked and was without words. I hope he feels an immense amount of regret and guilt, along with anyone/everyone else involved in what I believe pushed Michael to an edge from which he eventually fell.

We have known for many years that Michael was sometimes taking prescription drugs, that he endured phases of addictions over the past decade. The “followers” have witnessed this many times over the years, we have seen and spoken with Michael in altered states, and we have often felt concerned for him. It was not something we ever chose to post on forums or share publicly as it was a private matter for Michael, and we always chose not to jeopardize his privacy. However, those that SUPPLIED, ENABLED, USED, and NEGLECTED him over these years, especially in his last months, should take responsibility for their part in his death. Michael needed help, and instead his “friends” chose to keep him happy and controlled rather than getting him the help he desperately needed. Michael was human like all of us, and like anyone dependent on drugs he needed help. He did not need criminal doctors and friends keeping him medicated so their own greed and profits could be realized.

We also now know many more details that have revealed themselves since Michael’s passing and have given us full confidence in what we know and saw and corroborates our own testimonies. Some have been promised confidential, but it is our hope that the This Is Not It campaign will encourage others to speak the TRUTH they also know.

edit: The photo attached to this note was taken on May 29, 2009, 3 weeks before Michael passed. It is very evident he is very underweight, and he continued to lose weight even after this picture. It is most evident in his face, jaw and neck. You will also see in the This Is It movie that Michael was almost aways wearing THREE shirts AND a jacket to conceal his small frame in his last weeks.

MJ & Sandy
May 29, 2009

Something I posted on the forum of mj.com  October 04, 2009

this post and all it contains are from THIS IS NOT IT group, of which I am not a member ,just a support of their campaign..  I am not one of the THIS IS NOT IT fan group. I just support them and want people to know about their campaign. Over the years I have met many of them, and I know what they did and continue to do was for Michael. These are the fans who were the link between Michael and the wider fan community. These are the fans who Michael trusted to pass on messages from him to the wider fan community. These are the fans who first brought us the exciting news of THE RETURN OF THE CURLS. These are the fans who brought us news of Michael’s visits to Europe. These are the fans who were instrumental in SONY WARS, organizing the demos in London and New York which Michael attended on an open top bus. These are the fans who organised THE ROSES OF LOVE project during March /April 2005 Their campaign is important and should be supported

Before the press conference in March, I had posted on a number of forums about what if there was no new album (there have been album rumors on and off for the last number of years) and what if Michael was taking a break from the music industry. Many fans did not like my views cos I said it wouldn’t bother me if Michael retired from the music industry as long as he was healthy and happy and living his life the way he wanted to be. Many fans were outraged that I even dared think this. It seemed that the fan communities expected Michael to pop out a new album and all the publicity that went with it. Fans were expecting something like the glory days of BAD, DANGEROUS and HISTORY, when the reality was something different.

moonstreet

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A few of us read some comments that were written elsewhere about our statement and testimony and wanted to clarify some points:

1. KAREN FAYE did not start the This Is NOT it campaign. It was formed by fans, followers and friends of Michael. It is something we have been researching and formulating to share since Michael passed.
We are from many different countries around the world. We are a group of fans that were extremely blessed to be around Michael a lot through many years, he often confessed his true feelings to us when he felt trapped by others around him. We have created many other campaigns, against the allegations in 1993 and 2004/5, against Mottola etc. This is our last gift to Michael. We think it is what he would have wanted, to speak the truth.

2. The campaign is NOT about boycotting the movie or guilting anyone into not seeing it. We know that would never work, there is such an immense amount of interest, and we can understand and appreciate that. All of the interest even works to our advantage in helping to generate attention to counter-act the LIES.

The campaign IS about trying to help reveal the TRUTH and encouraging people to watch the movie with a CRITICAL EYE and UNDERSTAND the movie will not portray the entire picture of Michael’s condition and who was responsible for his NEGLECT. It is about educating fans, the public, the media…and NOT let those who should have listened and cared for his condition (but chose instead to have gained from greed and profit) have the last word. We will not be silent while they attempt to clear their conscience through a biased movie.

3. Yes, we have given our testimonies/statements to the police, Michael’s family and their attorney. We waited until we had done this to come forth publicly with this campaign. We felt that was the most appropriate action. This should answer the question as to why we have supposedly waited so long to speak out (although some of us actually have been since Marika’s email leaked some time ago.)

4. In answer to those questioning why we are saying those of us who were there were kept from Michael vs being able to get close enough to him to speak with him and give him letters: We were increasingly kept distanced from Michael in his last weeks by security, HOWEVER there were times when Michael specifically invited us to speak with him, or he asked that security bring certain fans to him (inside shops, rehearsals, at his house) and in these times when security could not deny us was when we were able to best speak to him & give letters. Unfortunately, we were not in the position to intervene in such a timely and effective way to avoid what happened.

5. The testimonies by Marika and Sandy are factual, more will be posted soon by those of us who feel strong enough to speak publicly and share what was personal experience and never expected to be made so public. We have no reason to lie, nothing to gain, no profit to realize. No one else in Michael’s life can say that (sadly, not even his family, his children not included.)

6. We are aware there will seem as if there are some inconsistencies or contradictions between what we are saying and what will be shown in the movie. However, this is largely our point – the movie will not portray the entire picture and we want the world to be very cognizant of that fact. Clearly they will show footage of Michael only at his best moments. Meanwhile, most of his days were filled with stress, fears and pain. This we know from MICHAEL’S WORDS and in some cases from seeing him daily. The movie you will see will be predominantly of Michael in the last 2 days (as those were shot in HD) of rehearsals just before his death when Michael was trying to make a special effort because he had been confronted by Kenny/Randy/Travis regarding his condition and their unhappiness with his ability to consistently perform & missing rehearsals due to not feeling well, and their fears he would not be ready. Therefore, it will not be an accurate and entire picture of Michael and his condition in the few months and ultimately last weeks.

7. Despite the supposed leaked autopsy, we believe that Michael weighed much less than 136lbs at the time of his death. We can safely speak for all of the “followers” that none of us believe he was “healthy” as this latest report claims. Karen Faye can also corroborate as she did indeed prepare Michael for his final resting. We spoke with her at the cemetery on this very day. She is in agreement that Michael weighed 108lbs.

8. We are working hard creating the campaign and website and pulling together all of the elements so it is ready for all fans to partake as soon as possible. We hope that as mamy as possible will take action especially during the TII premieres in their cities, as we will suggest.

For those who are criticising us for not answering everyone’s myriad of questions on the facebook page or here on forums: we would need to spend all day here correcting those fans who have twisted what we’ve said, or assumed things that are not true but are now being believed as true by other fans because they assume it’s fact after reading it here, etc. etc. etc. We choose to focus on the campaign for those who believe us and want to participate, instead of answering all of the nay-sayers and those who never have and probably never will believe us no matter what we say. That is a lost cause we do not want to be a part of.

9. We are not promoting conspiracy theories here. We fully acknowledge Michael ultimately died from lethal doses of Propofol and benzodiazepines as reported by the coroner. We wholeheartedly blame Dr. Murray’s gross negligence and criminal practice, However, we are contending that additional factors constituted a serious case of neglect which largely contributed to Michael’s passing. His drastic weight loss, stress and fears, and the failure of those around him to STOP the greedy tour machine and HELP a man clearly in desperate need of help need to be exposed. Anything else is specualtion which will need to be proven or not and it belongs to another level of research that we are not trying to expose here. We prefer to work with what we know for sure and what we can prove right now.

10. To clear one untruth circulating about Michael’s children – Michael’s children were never at tour rehearsals with Michael. He wanted the shows to be a surprise for them. Yes they would sometimes accompany him to his doctor visits and of course shopping. But never to the tour rehearsals, where he spent much of his days. They were not with Michael 24/7, sadly, and we can imagine they missed him very much. He would very often try to make it home to put them to bed. This was Michael…

Love and hugs to everyone and especially those who have been so supportive on This Is Not It facebook page and our personal pages. We appreciate you. We all loved Michael. We should all love each other.

Love,
This Is Not It