SANDY’s TESTIMONY

Dear fans and friends, and those who deserve the truth…

I have decided to share some letters that I wrote prior to Michael’s death, and the last letter that I wrote to Michael that was given to him just before rehearsal the night before he passed. I choose to do this in support of the This Is Not It campaign, and because I believe Michael would have wanted us to speak his truth now that he is gone, in the same way he always asked us to do through all this years against the allegations, Mottolla-Sony, etc.

This is of course very sad and difficult and not something I ever expected to share so publicly, but now that Michael has passed I feel it is more important to inform and support the TRUTH against the blatant lies and attempted cover-up by those around Michael in his last months. I also feel the need to defend against those that are saying the “followers” are only speaking out after the fact now that Michael is gone. This is not true and we tried our best as far as we were capable “only” being fans. Everything that we are claiming and speaking is truth, and is based on words from MICHAEL HIMSELF, what we ACTUALLY WITNESSED in the months before he passed, along with what we also witnessed about Michael’s “friends” and “doctors” over the past two decades of “following” Michael.

First, an email that I wrote on June 21st, four days before Michael passed. I sent this email to Karen Faye (Michael’s makeup artist) and Michael Bush (Michael’s tailor) who I knew to be around Michael almost daily in the weeks prior to his death and the only members of his entourage I considered trustworthy and true friends to Michael. I had met Michael, spoken with him, and witnessed his condition over 2 weeks time in Los Angeles at the end of May and beginning of June. I left Los Angeles with an uneasy feeling, particularly about Michael’s obvious weight loss.

Subject Line: Please look after Michael-INTERVENE PLEASE-something is wrong, I saw it.

Karen, Michael…
There is something that has been worrying me for several months now. I think there is something wrong with Michael and his health or his self-image about his weight and I am really worried.

I have been afraid to say anything to anyone because it’s probably not really my place to talk about something so personal concerning Michael, and talking about it amongst fans can make you an outcast because it is regarded as criticising Michael. But I want to know if he is alright. I also want to know if he is not alright that someone is intervening and doing something about it. There are always new people around Michael and as has always been obvious they do not always have his best interest at heart because of their own interests, but I expect that you really care about Michael in a way that you would perhaps cross a line that others might not if you saw that he is somehow hurting himself.

It is painfully obvious that Michael is TOO THIN. I know that Michael’s weight fluctuates, and he is often mostly too thin anyways, but NOW he is REALLY TOO THIN. I first noticed back in October that his weight was really plummeting. I spent a couple hours with Michael in his Bel Air suite at Halloween, and it really struck me how thin he was even back then. When we hugged I felt there was literally nothing to him. I told him to please take care of himself and stay healthy and that he looked good-I was trying to make a point that he doesn’t need to lose more, that he looks good already, to stop now. Naturally this embarassed him and he mostly just smiled and said thank you without knowing what to say. I also wrote him a letter about it, which he read but only replied again saying thank you.

Michael told me back then that he was preparing a tour and so I thought perhaps it is normal for him to slim down in preparation. I expected that he would become very weight-conscious. But now it seems he has gone TOO FAR. I met him inside the dance rehearsal studio a couple weeks ago and I was honestly SHOCKED. I noticed how the bones of his shoulders were LITERALLY protruding, poking through the material of his black fitted top. He was SCARY SKINNY. When we hugged I felt his skeleton. I felt very worried and very sad for him.

He was also looking very down and stressed and his demeanor and voice were very frail. HE ACTUALLY SAID he was stressed and worried how he will be able to do all 50 shows, that he does not eat enough, and he does not have enough breaks between shows. Clearly the situation is too much for him, it is making him SICK…whether it is self-imposed because he is not eating or something else.

DOES NO ONE ELSE AROUND HIM EVERYDAY SEE THIS???

Karen do you see this? Do you say anything to him?
Michael do you see this when you go over wardrobe? Do you say anything to him?

PLEASE INTERVENE AND HELP. I really think he is to the point where something bad and regrettable could happen to him. I don’t mean to suggest that you are responsible for him but AS A FRIEND AND ONE OF THE VERY FEW CONSISTENT PEOPLE around him that I think TRULY CARES about him, please risk saying something to him if you have not already.

Michael Amir, Alberto and Faheem have begun to restrict access to Michael and I’m now no longer allowed to even give a letter into his hands without them reading it first. They have many excuses that Michael is tired or in tour mode now or it’s for his safety. This is ridiculous after 15 years of seeing Michael, I don’t expect to be treated this way as if I would somehow harm him. I may be “just a fan” but I have been there for Michael for a really long time before them and will surely be here after them and Michael needs to hear from his fans when it is clear he is distressed, and those on the inside aren’t always worried for him but probably more concerned for their jobs should they say something deemed inappropriate. THEY MUST SEE that Michael is wasting down to nothing, but I don’t trust that they say or do anything. And shutting his fans out during this time is not what he needs. I see how alone Michael is, and heard from him how heavy he feels under the pressure. He has his children, but they are his responsibility to look after not the other way around, and so beyond his children his close friends are very few and far between. Everyone else around him in this time is focused on This Is It. I have seen in the past couple years that no one has really been around for him in Las Vegas, then Bel Air, now Los Angeles, no one who really cares for him as a friend and not just as a business. Except of course the two of you.

If he is suffering from something serious, physically or mentally, regarding his weight or health, please intervene. Please let me know that he is alright. These concerts are not worth jeopardizing his life.

I’m really in tears for him, for the state that I saw him in. If you’ve already said something to him, please give him this letter if you think he needs to hear it again from someone else. I’m sure whatever exactly is going on must be a fragile situation but please don’t avoid it altogether. I’m so worried. Please tell me he is okay. Above that, please tell me the TRUTH.

I love him. Please help him if he needs it. I wish I could do something, I feel helpless.
Thank you for reading,
Sandy

Michael had invited us inside his rehearsal studio where he spoke very candidly about his fears and feelings about the tour schedule, AEG, and Randy Phillips. He also said he was suffering back pain, and he was not eating, which was already obvious to us. He was nearly in tears as he spoke, and folded his hands in prayer during a moment of silence. We left this meeting feeling very disturbed and worried for Michael, and continued to witness him over the next couple weeks losing yet more weight and sometimes in a drug-induced state. The group of “followers” decided that we needed to take decisive action and reach Michael directly about our worries. Michael was deteriorating quickly and our shock and fears continued to grow every day, we couldn’t rely on his entourage to care for his well-being, because they were clearly not, nor would they take our concerns seriously. We decided to write letters to Michael himself, each of us wrote a letter individually, but all had the same sentiment about our fears over Michael’s condition, pleading for him to take better care of himself, to love himself, and put himself before the tour. The letters were given directly into Michael’s hands outside his rehearsal studio the night before he passed away. Michael tried to phone Talitha (one of the fans who actually gave the letters and Michael knew very well) several times from the Staples Center, but the call kept dropping and we will never know what he wanted to say. Michael’s personal assistant, Michael Amir, told me in Los Angeles when I went back for Michael’s memorial that Michael asked for the letters upon returning home after rehearsal, and he took them to Michael in his bedroom. Michael would be gone in less than 8 hours.

So sadly, this is my last letter to Michael, written June 22nd and given to Michael night of June 24th. I share this for those who are attempting to blame those of us who actually tried to be heard. You are accusing the wrong people of doing nothing. Your attention should be turned towards AEG, Randy Phillips, Frank Dileo who claimed outright that everything was “under control” and “Michael is not going to die.”

Dearest Michael,

I’m not exactly sure how to begin what I need to say to you, but please understand everything I say comes only from a place of overwhelming love and care for your happiness and health. I love you so very much; much much much more than I could ever hope to adequately express to you. In the past several months I have become very worried that you are not caring for yourself as you deserve to be cared for. I have noticed you becoming increasingly thin, and you are now so thin that I’m really concerned about your well-being.
I can only imagine the paralyzing degree of pressure you must be feeling lately in preparation for you concerts, and I can only assume your drastic weight loss is a symptom of the stress you feel so heavily upon you in these recent months.

Michael, I just pray that you know I will still love and adore and support you even if you were to never set your precious feet upon another stage. You have stood proud against more stress and pressures in your life than is fair for one person to ever endure, and you have always done it with grace, humility, honor. For this I have admired you, with your seemingly superhuman strength and incredible willpower to carry though the deepest and darkest of times. But dearest Michael, I know you are human and must often feel tired, lost or lonely, overwhelmed, tiny in the shadow of enormous obligations. I can only imagine you must be feeling the weight of the world upon your shoulders in these couple remaining weeks until your opening night. I am worried that your intense schedule and perhaps your own worries about pleasing your fans, and stunning the world again with your greatness, is causing you to forgo food and lose weight you can no longer afford to lose.

I hope and pray that your concerts are everything amazingly fantastic that you have dared to dream. I know you have been working incredibly hard, incredibly long hours and want nothing more for you to be happy with the fruits of your labor. However, I pray that you are not laboring so hard that you are neglecting your health and not eating as necessary to nourish your body, mind, and spirit during what is undoubtedly an immensely stressful time.

Michael, when I met you several months ago at Halloween I was taken aback at how thin you were. But you had told me you were beginning to prepare a tour, and so I assumed perhaps your slight frame was the result of preparation. At that time you spoke about the concerts with a sparkle of anticipation in your voice, a spirit of exuberance, a light in your eyes like I had not seen for years. I was happy that you were happy. But now seeing you again in Los Angeles these past several weeks I am concerned your spirit seems broken, and your weight has fallen further. When I met you in the dance studio I was shocked at how thin you have become, when we hugged I felt there was not enough of you. If the concerts have become too much, too many, too stressful, please know you are not alone and you could never ever disappoint us should you feel it impossible to carry through. If the concerts are somehow jeopardizing your health, your health and well-being absolutely must come first. We could not enjoy a concert knowing you were suffering through it. Please do not feel obligated to us to perform beyond your desire, beyond your capability. This is not to say I doubt you for even a second, but I’m only worried that your weight is drastically low and am afraid for your life as you are about to expend an incredible amount of energy over the coming months.

I hope I haven’t offended you in any way with any of these words. I love you so much and I only dare to say what I have out of care and concern. You have seemed somewhat sad, overly stressed, and super skinny recently and I just want you to know that you are loved and I am praying for your health and happiness. I hope that you are actually perfectly alright and my worries are simply paranoia from having seen you on days when perhaps you weren’t feeling your best. Michael Amir, Alberto, and Faheem have begun restricting access to you more severely in recent weeks so it has not been easy to ask how you are doing and give our love and prayers. Please forgive us if we have upset you but we are worried.

I’m so looking forward to seeing you again in London. I love you and ask that you please take care of yourself – for yourself, your children, your fans, your family, and all those the world over who love you deeply and dearly from the very bottom of our hearts. We want to love you for many more years to come.
I Love You Always & Forever,
Sandy

I am sure that he read it and now consider it my final goodbye to Michael.

It is with complete confidence that I say Michael did not trust or like AEG/Randy Phillips, but he felt enslaved financially to their demands because of their role in re-financing his life. We saw Randy Phillips at Michael’s memorial and told him “we know the truth”…he denied that he ever went against Michael’s wishes, but Michael told us the truth and naturally we believe Michael. We told Randy “you know that we know the truth”…he was visibly shocked and was without words. I hope he feels an immense amount of regret and guilt, along with anyone/everyone else involved in what I believe pushed Michael to an edge from which he eventually fell.

We have known for many years that Michael was sometimes taking prescription drugs, that he endured phases of addictions over the past decade. The “followers” have witnessed this many times over the years, we have seen and spoken with Michael in altered states, and we have often felt concerned for him. It was not something we ever chose to post on forums or share publicly as it was a private matter for Michael, and we always chose not to jeopardize his privacy. However, those that SUPPLIED, ENABLED, USED, and NEGLECTED him over these years, especially in his last months, should take responsibility for their part in his death. Michael needed help, and instead his “friends” chose to keep him happy and controlled rather than getting him the help he desperately needed. Michael was human like all of us, and like anyone dependent on drugs he needed help. He did not need criminal doctors and friends keeping him medicated so their own greed and profits could be realized.

We also now know many more details that have revealed themselves since Michael’s passing and have given us full confidence in what we know and saw and corroborates our own testimonies. Some have been promised confidential, but it is our hope that the This Is Not It campaign will encourage others to speak the TRUTH they also know.

edit: The photo attached to this note was taken on May 29, 2009, 3 weeks before Michael passed. It is very evident he is very underweight, and he continued to lose weight even after this picture. It is most evident in his face, jaw and neck. You will also see in the This Is It movie that Michael was almost aways wearing THREE shirts AND a jacket to conceal his small frame in his last weeks.

MJ & Sandy
May 29, 2009